Harrowed Halls

I've got a ticket to ride

2009-05-22T17:34:50Z

So this week I bought and received my ticket to Japan. It's been a long road to get here though, I've literally put many things on hold in the express interest of putting the money together to do this. I've tried applying for English schools, none of those have worked out yet, but I think I don't really want to go over to Japan on that sort of ticket... it feels like... okay, I'll say it, the popular, easy route. I've got work to go to, but I've got a lot more to post on this, I'll come back to it later.

Suffice it to say, I've got a lot of people jealous of me right now. A lot of them for different reasons than I thought it would be for...

Bringing it all together

2009-03-19T18:08:09Z

I've never run my own website... but that's evidently what I need to do. In order to bring my radio plays for mp3 player concept to life, I need to open a place to organize it.. and one not owned by another group sounds like the best idea.. so there's no intellectual property arguments. Then there's the matter of the domain name.. the one I want is taken, but I suppose a .org is sufficient..

I know I've got a couple people interested in helping out with this thing in various capacities... I guess I need to contact specific people about what they're willing to do. And maybe reconsider domain names.

Super Vision

2009-03-18T17:05:52Z

I've mentioned already to a lot of people that I've recently been made a supervisor at work. This is strange work... I vaguely recall thinking that supervisors don't do a whole lot. I also remember mocking supervisor motivation things... Well, there's still funny things like that, but I think the greatest observation so far from this new job has to be about customers. They seem to think that the solution to all problems is to demand a supervisor... a supervisor whose job it is to facilitate the jobs of their employees... Pretty far away from the 'wiggle your fingers and make my unreasonable demands come true' that I've heard far too often.

I'll spare the specifics. But when it comes down to job description, I'm helping agents remember how to do their job, and trying to help them do it better. Customers demanding supervisors so we can tell them the same thing their tech just told them... *sigh* I think that covers my sentiment there.

By the by, PodPlays is on the move again. I aim to actually get it moving this time.

Geek: Otaku

2009-03-17T17:24:34Z

A coworker pointed out to me at the end of last week that I'm remarkably well adjusted, for an otaku. I have to wonder who that's a slight towards, me or otaku. I mean... I'm inside the otaku community, and self-depreciating jokes about hygiene and social prowess are numerous and.. not without reason, but is that thought common outside, in general society?

Communication skills, and people who lack them

2008-08-01T04:31:07Z

So, I'm in my last week of 'training' at this tech job I'm doing, taking calls and chats.. in exactly the same circumstance as the regular employees, no 'training' involved, no reviews.. pretty much being a regular employee with less pay. Not too bad, $11.50's still decent. $13/hr will be better next week. And the job's not bad at all. Rather good most of the time.

Anyhow, my trainer came up to me this week and told me 'graduation is on thursday, be here from 6am-2:30pm.'

My current shift is 3pm to 11:30.

There's a half hour commute between here and there

Also, not to be missed is time trying to fall asleep, and then time waking up.

Yeah, so when I get there.. sleep deprived.. I think to myself maybe I should pull a prank on this teacher and act *really* out of it and irritated. Irritated is easy.. I sound irritated most of the time anyhow.. or so I think. So, put on a face, twitch and widen the eyes, even remain slightly off balance. Mission accomplished.. but he takes it way too seriously.. okay.. I just drove half an hour after waking up from about 4 hours or less of sleep to work. I do not want to be told 'Go home!' Especially when he's the one who demanded me there at 6am..

It's what he delivered though.. I believe he was honestly worried.. but then, i have him trained to do pretty well exactly what I want him to. (so very easy to maneuver)

Meh, I guess I'm irritated over being told to sleep deprive myself, drive to work, then get told to 'go home'

I stayed all the same, and I've actually been up since. Can't afford to be up for too long before my shift starts tomorrow.

Anyhow, this less than coherent post comes courtesy of.. nothing in particular. I guess I just wanted to rant some

I finished with 2 others as the 'top 3' in my class, so that's an ego point, I received a notebook... with a hardback and print to resemble a notebook computer. Looks like something that would be handed out at a career fair booth. *smirk* Maybe I should carry it around and look smug.

Anyhow, there's an update

XXXI,
-JL

Rapidfire

2008-07-20T04:33:06Z

This should not be missed, it goes down Sunday.. maybe that night. Nor should The Dark Knight a word about Batman... Heath Ledger's Joker is pure genius. I lament that never will any more be seen of it.

Last week, actually a week ago Thursday, there was a super panic sale of sorts on Newegg, so I picked up a couple Crucial Gizmo Jr drives, 4gb capacity. These things turned out to be slightly smaller than I was expecting. Seriously.. they're like trident gum.. but a bit thinner and wider.

Also old friends have come to town this weekend, dropping in on the way to a reunion.. one with whitewater and skeet shooting... now why aren't my reunions like that? Well, there hasn't been one in a while so I suppose I have no room to talk.. and we actually did go whitewater rafting during one too... okay, maybe I just want to do something outdoors-y.

Had a games night at another friend's last night too, we played Munchkin, Before I Kill You Mr Bond, and The Great Brain Robbery. Great fun.

-JL

Workin' man

2008-07-06T03:16:52Z

Just over 2 months ago, I was ecstatic to get the menial labor job I did then. Reading water meters for the city at $10/hr, full time about 3 weeks in a month. Menial labor, sweaty, hungry work fighting the sun all day long while sticking my hands in holes that are full of spiders, centipedes and ants.
I completed a month and went on 'break'. Late in my off week I get a call from a friend.

He wants me to quit my job and come work where he's working. They're desperate for people, pay more, and will pay to certify me in computer repair... Add to this that they have a location in Tokyo that I potentially could transfer to.

Hold on a sec.. I need to recover my arms, they've just fell limp behind my chair as I threw my head back to accommodate the gasp of surprise.

This temporary job I've been working.. this tedious menial labor... The entire point is to save money so I can go to Japan. Now you're telling me I can go work for this company.. at a $1.50/hr increase during training, a $3/hr increase when I've finished that and... perhaps even have a job waiting for me over there if I play my cards right?
There are words for what I want to say right now that common, vulgar mouths would spew forth...

Let me express right now what happened.

That's right I took the job. I grabbed my CompTIA A+ Remote Support Technician's Certification not only with passing marks, I took the highest essentials score in my 'class' and a near top rating on my remote support exam... not that it matters to the exam, they only care that you passed.

But surely that must be it, right?

No.. not really. Yesterday and today I went on two dates with a someone a good friend of mine is trying to 'set' me 'up' with. 'Two' should indicate that the first one went well. I hope it does. She's fun, intelligent... a published fantasy writer which simply blows my mind... and to top it off.. she's quite the looker. We'll see if I don't scare her off.

-JL
---------------
su... sugee~

Lvl 30 Human, Status: Tired

2008-01-09T02:07:23Z

This shirt cracked me up today. It fits the bill so well... $30 and then international shipping makes it less attractive for an immediate buy though.
So my guild has adopted a more rigid raiding setup, I'm glad for them, but it means I'll probably get myself out of raiding for now. Can't make the posted start times.
I went and talked with one of my former professors today, it was a relaxed talk mostly to do with work and what I'm doing. I've got plans... but I can't help but think I'm hedging my bets *too* much and I should just dive headfirst into deep waters. What I'm talking about here is going straight for full-time salaried employ at a Japanese Company. Every other plan of mine feels like holdover until I decide what to do. Some dedicated prayer on the subject should help. I get the feeling I know the answer already...
Also.. my 'auxiliary plans' are still sitting idle. I haven't done anything with them. Seems like all my spare time (and then some) winds up in WoW and a scant few other pursuits.

Cloak - Have materials, need to start piecing it together
Book ideas.... would require a whole post to themselves.. mostly not even started.
Website and associated 'web radio play' creations - I've picked out a splash page prototype I'll adapt mine from. I need to write scripts, gather a voice pool, do some serious web design (will suck a lot, as I'm no good at that stuff)...
Boots - Pieces all cut out, have been for years, need to get some shoe goo and get in touch with Ian, set up and knock 'em out.

Sheesh.. and I've probably forgot a bunch

And I still haven't gotten official 'you've graduated' notice.. bleh

-JL
------
Incompetence: Evolved

Irritated, Aggravated, Happy, Thoughtful... mood champloo

2008-01-02T08:24:15Z

.. If I were a swearing man, I'd have been running up a storm a few hours ago. I went to a friend's place for fun and games on New Years. That was all fun and good, but a single event
threw the whole night in a jumble. I will purposefully not be specific, as I do usually.

It was, simply put, and argument. I'm not wholly blame free, I admit that, I made comments, not directed at anyone in specific, that evidently set someone off. That someone went for the figurative jugular, diving in with a directed, personal attack on my age and marital status, which is a social... oddity... for this area. I very nearly flew off the handle. I was yelling at her trying to get her to stop talking about the subject after not too much time. It was about that time... that I realized she wasn't stopping and my adrenal levels were soon not going to bear being still any longer.

I walked out.. slamming the door behind me, didn't bother putting shoes on, and walked about 15 meters down the 'balcony walk' in front of this set of apartments. I stood there, in the cold, not feeling particularly cold... each breath was clearly visible as I stood and twitched for a minute or so.. then started focusing chi in an attempt to disperse the high. I remember hearing door activity while I was outside, I hadn't paid attention to it.. but I distinctly remember that I wanted to get back inside before someone came out to get me. So I wasn't outside for very long that I know of.

The whole thing was.. aggravating.

It's not recollection, nor is it new thought entirely.. it's a crystallization of a previous idea. I can't stand double standards. 'You'd hit a girl?' 'You can't tell a girl that.' these two specific comments were made tonight are within the core of what I now clearly know I hate. There is a double standard here. If I can acceptably be angry with and hit a guy for a directed insult, I should also be able to acceptably hit a girl for the same directed insult. This is equality. I don't hit anyone these days, but the concept is sound as far as I'm concerned. Same thing goes for other folk... If you want equality, go for equality.. As far as I'm concerned these types want superiority, not equality.

Respect requires respectability... I can't respect folk who lash out and hide from responsibility.

*sigh* I'm still coming down off this adrenaline high. Hopefully I can sleep tonight.

-JL
Akemashite Omedetou Gozaimasu

xXx

2007-07-24T05:11:00Z

I rolled over a pair of digits today to thunderous silence. It's odd and anticlimactic, just how smoothly life moves on from one decade/year/month/week/day/hour/minute/second to the next. And to answer something a friend said, I make little to no fuss about my birthday at least somewhat to see if others will recognize it *without* my pointing it out. It's petty and selfish, but I do it. Regardless, 30 years old.. and living in my parents basement... pa-thetic. *chuckles* At least graduation and moving out is in sight. I have plans, and they are far from standing still.

As a final note, I saw some lightning today, it was very nice. Made me wish it was raining where I was/am still.

Longing

2007-07-19T12:17:15Z

I woke up about 5:30am today, after falling asleep at 3:30pm yesterday. I was awake at this hour two days ago when I stayed up all night for something that had to be done. All-nighters are getting more and more difficult, at the same time, I find myself wishing I didn't have to sleep most of the rest of the time. I don't really care for sleep all that much. I'm an insomniac for one, so I spend an hour trying to fall asleep before actually getting there most nights (some nights are better, others can be far worse). I don't mind the dreams part.. I get tons of crazy dreams, and some very simple ones mixed in.
So really, I hate spending an hour trying to fall asleep, and I dislike waking up, and there's a pile of small reasons for both, I think I'll talk about one.
This reason has only been happening for the past couple months, and for some reason it has driven home a really ill-content feeling when I'm trying to sleep. There should be someone there. I'll be laying there, and for the barest moments I'm sure there's someone in the bed behind me, and it's a comfortable feeling... but then she's gone, and the hole left behind... it's lonely.
So this wraps around to common topic I get on... girls and why the freak can't I trust enough to even start a relationship. I can admit it, I'm afraid of relationships. I've been hurt considerably in the past in them and I can't shake two of the last 3.. I know they're not bad people overall, but they were malicious in the breakups. Yeah.. blah. well, that's all.
Morning's not bad.. I think I'd rather not miss the evenings for it though.

Ancient history

2007-07-15T19:20:37Z

This week I was handed a box of old things to sort through. Opening old boxes is dangerous. Things lay in wait worse than just black widows.
The box was a condensation of objects from my High School days.
My old passport, featuring a rather nice picture of a much younger me. Uniform from Boy Scouts, complete with renewed regret over never getting that Eagle. A few painted Drow miniatures bought from an old friend, 3 pieces of iron pyrite, a quartz, 2 stone arrowheads. Pictures. Lots and lots of pictures, featuring people I don't recognize anymore. Even a small case of pictures from Senior year, some of them signed with notes on the back.. there were nice things written. A tiny music trophy with a plastic top attached to a marble base, back from when I still played piano...
This box is nostalgia, and as I sorted many pieces to their final fates, re-dredged memories coalesced before me in an unorganized fashion. Most of the items are going away forever, but a re-casting of the memories with a later perspective will not be leaving for quite some while.
I know I was at least respected by a number of people the last half of High school, this happens when you display force in a memorable way.. but I had no idea how many people actually... cared... It's a strange recast that reminded me I did have a clutch of friends back then. And I could have had more. Renewed is my nostalgia for the town where I was raised.

shadrach_anki posted this, and I'm appropriating it for... an unknown reason.

1. What curse word do you use the most?
Damn and Hell. I'm displeased with my usage of them.. I think I'm relapsing to my old cussing ways.

2. Do you own an iPod?
My false iPod yes, iPods lack the substance I need in objects.

3. What person on your flist do you talk to the most?
flist? friends list... if we're talking LJ, it's Anki, otherwise, probably YokoburiKinura.

4. What time is your alarm clock set to?
7:30. Now when I arm the thing is another matter.

5. Do you still remember the first person you kissed?
Yes. It's a strange memory since I've run into her recently with her husband and child.

6. Do you remember where you were on 11/9/01?
I found out about the attacks sometime before the second 'tower strike' I watched until towers fell and was then made responsible for informing the rest of the acting troupe I was in at the time that practice was cancelled. The feeling of the cool concrete, empty statue base is a vivid memory, waiting for everyone to come, one by one, and tell them what had happened.

7. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
Take pictures, for sure. I'm not fond of my picture being taken. Something related to almost never liking how they turn out.

8. What was the last movie you watched?
Transformers. mmm

9. Do any of your friends have children?
Plenty of them. Also many don't.

10. Has anyone ever called you lazy?
Yes, often. A specific group call me lazy often. Perhaps not coincidentally, it's never employers.

11. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep?
No.

12. What cd is currently in your cd player?
Car CD - Journey Greatest Hits; Room Stereo, Police's Greatest Hits; Computer CD player, Windows XP cd (due to my current strange problem of needing it in the drive to boot the computer.)

13. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
Regular, that is, if the regular is whole or 2%, If 1% or skim it depends on the grade of Chocolate milk.

14. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Friends tell me things in confidence often enough.. This week as well.

15. When was the last time you had Starbucks?
Bleh.. coffee... ugh...

16. Can you whistle?
Multiple ways

17. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Sometimes gets jostled around, but normally I notice body type first.

18. What are you looking forward to?
Campaigns I'm running on Wednesdays and Fridays, the campaign I'm playing on Tuesdays. And Graduation in December.

19. Did you watch cartoons as a child?
Yes.

20. Do you own any band t-shirts?
Yes.

21. What will you be doing in one hour?
I will be at Church.

22. Is anyone in love with you?
Not that I'm aware. I'm betting not.

23. What was the last song you heard?
CROW'SCLAW - Nrvnqsr:The Number Of The Beast

24. Last time you cried?
Within the last month. Generic depression.

25. Are you on a desktop computer or a laptop?
Desktop

26. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
Nope

27. What’s the weather like?
Hot and dry. oppressively so.

28. Would you ever date a girl/guy covered in tattoos?
Can't preclude the possibility, but it's not my inclination.

29. What did you do before this?
Breakfast

30. When is the last time you slept on the floor?
Might be the last time I slept in the bed my old truck.

31. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
Varies widely. I typically sleep 8 hours, but I can force myself to go a day or two without and function *mostly* fine for the majority. I'll sleep up to 12 hours the night after such a stunt.

32. Do you eat breakfast daily?
Not as a matter of course

33. Are your days fast-paced?
Depends on the day.

34. What did you do last night?
Ran an entertaining session of an Arcana Evolved campaign. Almost killed a character on accident.

35. Do you use sarcasm?
No, whereever would you have gotten that idea? Usually overtly

36. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
Thirty

37. Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
Yes. I keep quiet more often than not though, since I make my own share of mistakes. 'u', 'ur' type substitutions bother me to no end, especially when someone uses it in 'in character' type.

38. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
No.

39. Do you get along better with the same sex or the opposite sex?
Can't honestly say that I get along with either in a unilaterally fantastic manner compared to the other. or even without the comparison if you ask when I'm in certain reflective moods.

40. Do you like mustard?
Generally no.

41. Do you sleep on your side?
A good portion of the time, yes.

42. Do you watch the news?
Not actively.

43. How did you get one of your scars?
Right arm by the elbow, in the upper flesh, I got it walking by a lathe I'd broken off in a stack of wood. Didn't notice I'd cut myself until about 5 yards later, it felt 'weird' and I looked.

44. Who was the last person to make you mad?
Some stupid driver who almost sideswiped me on the road the other day.

45. Do you like anybody?
Like, sure. Acting on that is another matter entirely.

46. What is the last thing you purchased?
A massive steel d20.

47. What side of the heart do you draw first?
Either way about equally.

48. Can you dive without plugging your nose?
Yes, but I can't do it without having a breath ready to expel from my nose when I submerge.

49. What colour is your razor?
Blue generic disposable.

50. What is your blood-type?
O

51. Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
Can't say I'd want to be tied to someone for 24 hours..

52. What is a rumour someone has spread about you?
Rumors don't make it to me. So I'm unaware of any slander even while I suspect it.

53. How do you feel about carrots?
Mmmeh.. What's up doc?

54. How many chairs at the dining room table?
5 chairs.

55. Which is the best Spice Girl?
Cayenne, it tastes great on lots of foods.

56. Do you know what time it is?
1pm

57. Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince Theme Song?
Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down...
Pieces here and there.

58. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
Just like last time, I glared at the idiots who got it stuck. Otherwise, I'd stand around uncomfortable.

59. What’s your favourite kind of gum?
I don't like gum.

60. T or F: All’s fair in love and war?
I don't think so. Experience teaches me that others do think this way.

61. Do you have a crush on anyone?
No.

62. Do you know how to use some words correctly, but not know the meaning?
Yes. It drives me to read dictionaries sometimes.

63. Do you like to sleep?
Not really. Wish I only needed 2 or 3 hours at the maximum.

64. Do you know which US states don’t use Daylight Savings Time?
Arizona.. There's at least one more.

65. Do you know the song Total Eclipse of the Heart?
The chorus, sure.

66. Do you want a bright yellow ‘06 mustang?
I'm not a car person. Given the opportunity, I'd live without one.

67. What’s something you’ve always wanted?
Social ability.

68. Do you have hairy LEGS?
They're on the light side as far as never shaven guys legs go.. straight blonde hair, never longer than half an inch.

69. Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?
Lake.. I prefer walking in ocean surf rather than swimming in the brine.

70. Do you wear a lot of black?
Um.. sure? Mostly I wear earth-tones and the occasional blue, red or yellow.

71. Describe your hair:
Um.. Light brown with blonde mixed in, just past my nose at the bangs, about an inch past that lower edge of the skull in the back, underneath cut shorter but getting shaggy. Worn however it falls after throwing it back.

72. Do you have Entomophobia?
No. But I do kill insects when they're annoying me.

73. Are you an adult?
Yes.

74. Where is/are your best friend(s)?
All over the place. Though I do have a concentration locally. I'll miss them when I leave early next year.

75. Do you have a tan?
No.

76. Are you a television addict?
Computer addict. I mostly avoid television.

77. Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?
Yes. Total Momma's boy

78. Are you a sugar freak?
ugh.. no.. I get sick of sugar before I have much.

79. Do you like orange juice?
Yeah, I do.

80. What sign are you?
Leo, or Cancer. I was born in that week that trades back and forth, the 'cusp' as people call it.

Yes, the music nazi has no shame

Food for the rabid chipmunk

2007-07-03T05:31:28Z

Crystal Caste has thrown down the gauntlet, and by gauntlet I mean they've gone and had a product for something I've thought would be cool for years. I don't know how long they've had them, but they do. I'd thought I was going to have to find someone to machine out my steel dice but there they are...
Whence has come this sense of hesitation? Is it the cost? Surely $40 isn't that much for something I've been secretly harboring 'that would be so cool' thoughts about for years now... especially when I can and have found them for $32 (before shipping). The 12mm variety could be a cost cutting alternative, even placating measure, or could it? For just that little bit more, I can have dice that give nice dining tables nightmares.

Items of substance, and by substance, occasionally I refer simultaneously to weight, and some imagined durability that comes from this, are something of an obsession for me. When purchasing my first small electronic device, my false ipod , it possesses a nice solid steel back, and a certain bulk, it is something that has a presence within my meaty paws, yet it is still small to fit in the smallest spaces, corners of pockets, even coin pockets may carry it. It is a fine purchase I have not once regretted. Excepting of course my regret over not dropping $20 more for the 8GB version. Cellphones have never held any substance when I have looked at and held them.. always they are plastics, light, tiny, something that could vanish and be unnoticed until it was searched for.. like unto some sort of technological Jack and the Beanstalk...
The analogy is stretched, then it shall serve as a drum head.
I will suffer the same concerns when I purchase a laptop early next year. Slowly, oh so slowly, I advance into the portable electronic age.

I will get these dice... the decision remains to be made of *which size* yet, but I will have them.
There remains the matter of a charming anime I've fallen for. 電脳コイル (Dennou Coil) is the name, and it's whimsical nature has captured me. There is something about the innocence of how things are carried out, the childlike playful quality of the struggle. And yet.. noting that the children 'pay' with mysterious cybersubstance, and when comparing the antagonists to DRM and other electronic piracy countermeasures, deeper thought is engaged. I wonder at the developments that will come in the future for it. For now, it is simply charming.

Beaten to the Punch

2007-06-30T05:45:31Z

... And grinning ear to ear for the shiner.
shadrach_anki has posted something I can't say I wish I hadn't said something about. Perhaps instead of a 'me too' moment I should've taken the opportunity to dig into the satirical look at 'american otaku culture' I've been kicking around in my head for the last year or so.
Am I a fanboy? With no small trepidation I admit to somewhat being so, and somewhat being not. Just like I'll admit to being a near shameless elitist. All the social incompetence and discomfort, yet possessed of social drive, I'll excitedly talk with friends but when they're not there I'll sit quietly and wonder how in the world I can make more. Feeling resentment and jealousy toward those who can easily talk with new people... seeing girls I wish I could approach and at the same time knowing it would end painfully under any circumstance. Yet.. I deny fanboy status. All I derive from 'fanservice' is a need for new, more powerful headache medicines. Yuri, Yaoi, Hentai, I hate them fiercely. To those who call them art, I less than respectfully disagree.
...And know for something completely different...
Ran the second session of a new campaign of mine. Using the Arcana Evolved ruleset, and borrowing piecemeal from the 'Diamond Throne' setting it promises to be.. interesting. I started everyone out with a major dilemma facing their (everyone's) home village. They must choose one of 3 masters, and successfully call them to their aid to defend against the other 2. I've been punching the dire nature of the situation in, and I think they've taken to it pretty well, and I'm excited about every upcoming session.
Also went and saw Ratatouille with Nieces, Nephew, Sister and Mother today. I laughed a considerable amount more than I expected. Pixar really does impress.

-

2007-06-28T16:55:52Z

"The first thing I notice waking up, my body is still asleep. I can't feel anything but 'numb' from all of me. It feels as if my very form were dissociated from me. I'm opening and closing my mouth, yawning, my eyes refuse to open. Just as well, it's still dark out there anyhow. I bring my arm up to wipe my eyes of tear-duct crust, There's a faint sound of skin and linen rubbing as I move, it's still too distant to be my arm.. isn't it? I must be pressing hard.. somewhere through the curtain of static I feel the contact of arm rubbing across eyelid. It still doesn't feel real yet.
"How long have I been asleep?
"It's not dark in here at all.. it's rather bright.. when did that happen? I must have fallen back asleep with my arm over my eyes. Ba-Bump Heartbeat? When have I heard it clearly like that before? The numb is clearing too.. as if the blood is charging down all my arteries simultaneously. It's all so familiar... and still so un-familiar.
"I feel a deep sense of dread building...

Frentic pacing

2007-06-09T06:20:53Z

Paper, run some instances, paper, paper, reading, run an instance, more reading, watch incredibly depressing yet somehow funny movies, ponder why such things are provoking such responses, realize midterm papers are almost due, cramcramcram, watch in abstract horror as the hard drive holding my work fails in a catastrophic manner, beg teachers for extension, laugh myself into a headache from a lively chat I get myself into with one of them, scramble to write papers anew, read, watch, write more, sink into dread realizing I have a translation deadline due in 1 day, ask for extension of a weekend, finish in time for the extended deadline...
I haven't been able to catch up. Doesn't help that a lot rides on things going passably well through next week. At least I'm feeling less 'under the gun' right now. With the midterms done and that translation out of the way, I only have finals and a couple other papers to worry about. I just have to hope I've done alright. I'm not confident of that. I feel like I'm gambling with my life. And it's been bad enough the last few weeks I might name my first son "Don't Gamble". (To Live reference, 10 points)
Here's to hoping I pass and am not as busy at least for the summer term. I'll need the rest for Fall.
Shinuki Chuushu

Yay for pinatas

2007-04-01T05:01:46Z

So, I did forget to mention yesterday that Dad saw me come home in my goth gear. Just as I figured he would, he laughed about it.
My latest purchase I have discovered has some potential uses that could make it one of the most nifty gadgets I own. The clock on it is just gravy. All i need to do is start recording things... random thoughts, things I hear, it could potentially make this live journal more interesting when I go to Japan. 'This is my class' and such. The small size = portability which is a direct increase in the likelihood of me carrying it around everywhere.
One of my long standing RPG buddies and I may be starting a one on one thing for all the times we get on and other folks can't make it. Sengoku era Japan, it's got potential.
I don't really like planning out events. Coordinating schedules, divining interest, blah blah blah, it's all so boring. I don't suppose *anyone* likes doing it. Something that really annoys me is when someone else comes up with an idea, and then foists the planning off on you. Yeah...
So anyhow.. what is it with married and engaged couples and the matchmaking thing?
Non-sequitur aside, General conference sessions today were good, I've instituted a practice of concentrated watching and note taking to maximize my 'take' from it all. I really can't pay attention to it if I'm trying to do something else at the time.. anything more than making up lunch or something. Seems to be working.
Mou shinda hazu

Goth Night

2007-03-31T08:00:27Z

The only really important thing to say today is 'Goth Night was a blast' Regrettably, the worst of the knee-jerk reactions we got was a few honks and a call of 'Sinner!' from a passing car. I have no inclination to believe this person was anything but joking. Anyhow, pictures were taken, all on film cameras, so they will make distribution when they come around.
After last night's spat of insomnia and only sleeping from 6:30am abouts to just before 10am, just about 3 and a half hours, I'm feeling spent as I write this. So I will go sleep on my crunchy hair.
Shinanee-nda yo baaaka

'Too much tekst'

2007-03-30T04:03:43Z

Hmm.. I went on quite long yesterday.
Doujin artists of several sites I regularly visit are part of a series of publications that I will most likely purchase soon. Japanese are very keen on moe. And evidently so am I. There is (please ignore the ads on the left side of the following page) another either out or planned to come out soon that I also wish to buy.
Today I continued translating my latest project, there is a good reason people shouldn't learn japanese from anime and manga, and it is the same reason why people shouldn't learn English from Soap Operas or Gangster flicks.
Today I was also pleased to discover a new (to me) musician. DJ Bouche. I always love finding new techno, and trance specifically. This is bonus in that he's done remixes of Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu tracks. I'm liking his stuff.
Oh, I've also got Horde and Nirvana patches, as well as a set of Pacman pins all for my bag. Someone posed to me a question of what I would do if the bag broke. Well.. it's Timbuk2, i hope it doesn't just break.. I suppose I'd have to snip off all the patches and send it in for replacement... then sew them all back on a new bag. Well, it's a good idle time project, and so it will be then.
If anyone here knows of some cool patches, point me to them!
Lusus Naturae

poof

2007-03-29T04:43:11Z

So today I looked at a word, and the word isn't important itself, but it had an 'x' instead of a 'z' in it. So what do I do? I start thinking "Well, they're not that different, heck, x and z both have about the same total length overall... or do they? If we're dealing with a square area then the diagonal of the 'x' takes more line than the horizontals of the 'z', but letters aren't square.. they're usually taller than they are wide..." This quickly turned into a math question. "Wait... I don't have to guess at it, I can prove at what ratio of height to width they would be equal." This turned into the hypotenuse of a right triangle (one half of a rectangle) and a second equation defining 'c' (the hypotenuse) as '2a' (twice the width), and I'm breaking out the math equation editor in Open Office to write all of it out (also partially because I wanted to learn the program)-
...
bimyou
...

I did go on to solve it, no the answer wasn't 42. If my kids wind up loving math because I've got a chalk/dry erase board in my home for random math studies... well, that's quite alright.

NEGATIVE CRAP
This morning was also the source of a dire pondering. There is a lot of meandering in the thoughts I have regarding what I'm about to write so they may waver, change directions or even abort whole-cod along the way. Somewhere along the way I've become a person who can say things that are very rude. A Family friend was by, helping with the basement, showing off his new puppy (cute thing). At night the puppy was lonely in the basement and started barking, this probably continued for 5 or 10 minutes before I went upstairs to use the bathroom, I made a comment that I did not believe was rude, asking if the dog was going to keep barking like that. I was mistaken on what I could say and who I could say it around, this is what I'm thinking as the rudeness of that phrase has been pushed at me 2 times now. I've been cold on the phone to people I don't really know, that's come back at me too. I've become someone who pushes others away. I think a lot of this is a composite of:
1. What i mean not being transmitted by what I say and how I say it
2. I know this happens, so I talk (and want to talk) less
3... So I'm rude to people
That actually makes a twisted kind of sense, and like any similar problem it's self feeding, because I feel like no one 'gets' me, a big part of this is my first assumption about anyone lately, that they are actually out to harm me in some way. Way to go paranoia. I owe that somewhat to a couple of bad breakups, a generally bad history with 'friendships' that turned sour or just vanished. Yup.. mode normal is 'that person hates me until proven otherwise'
*sigh*
So.. just like trying to learn how to accept compliments, I've got to learn how not to have trust issues and be less rude. Wait.. those are connected. *great* Such is life.

POSITIVE SECTION START
Tonight was Gaming! shadrach_anki, another friend and I continued with our Lawful Good Campaign tonight. That campaign always makes me feel warm inside. The ideas are flying, and I really should write more down so I don't lose them before I get somewhere they can be used.
I have a new translation project! Oh wait... NDA... heh heh. Well, I can still be happy about work. Income is nice.
I've been working on an American Heritage independent study class that I should finish fairly soon, hopefully before the summer starts and I'm back in school again. Oh yeah, that's another piece of news. I'm going back to school. I'm accepted back, I just need to take care of paperwork, sign up for classes, and finish school. Then I can leave! *excited* Hopefully go to Japan right then too.
See, here's my solution. Having goals is nice, but the world doesn't work like 'once I get 'X' I'll be happy' Oh no, happiness is a direction, not a destination. I need to capture these good things. Positivity, that is the anti-'trust issues'... heh heh.. anti-trust. funny just for being itself.
*RESOLVED* I will end every livejournal entry with things that are positive or that I am grateful for.

I am weak

2007-01-18T04:43:18Z

Truly. It took not even one day. I've ordered Burning Crusade from an online retailer and I'm getting ready to reactvate my account. Well, I guess I can redeem myself by finishing this translation on time. Yes... That is what I must do. And if I do that, then I can consider this my reward to myself. I must not consider any alternative.

Casus Belli

Kazoos and Carnage

2007-01-17T07:19:32Z

Ah memories.

For over a year I played WoW... and i played it a *lot*. Now that I'm on vacation, and a new expansion is coming out, I can get some perspective together and decide if I'm going back to the game or not. I probably will. But this time with a strengthened vision of things that need to be done. So I won't be wasting my time on it, I'll be engaging in recreation.

Listening to this music makes me think of one of my fond memories of PvP. It was a particularly frantic Battleground, and i forget which one it was, but I was listening to Winamp, as I usually do when playing WoW, and Azumanga Daioh music was playing in the background... penny whistles, kazoos... whimsical music. It is my favorite PvP memory of WoW. As I'm writing this, I re-affirm to myself that I will be going back to WoW. the question then, is when. I'm prone to being a skinflint off and on, and I'm entering into one of those modes.. if I can find a copy cheap on ebay... or some store somewhere... who knows... perhaps I will. Then my return will be expedited... I do wish there was a 'reduced access for reduced cost' service for WoW. Folks like myself and however many other 'casual' player of WoW there are out there would probably snap it up instantly. True, full accounts would drop, but I'd bet such a move would pull in a lot of people like myself who have lives to attend to.

I've acquired Neverwinter Nights 2 as well. It arrived in the mail today. I got it for about half retail. I can be pleased with that. So far the game is pleasing... but I'm not familiar with it enough to really give it a good rundown yet. I did fight through an annoying little bug today. Since I deal in Japanese, and occasionally like to write in it too... I have an IME installed. This evidently can cause crashes in NWN2. Non english text, and that is anything where the keyboard is not currently set to english, including the 'direct input' style, crashes you straight out to the desktop. Fortunately, there is a shortcut for changing 'keyboard language' built into the IME. Otherwise I think I'd be sunk. You see... my computer (and I like it this way) is set to have Japanese as the keyboard layout from bootup. in fact, it's set to have it as the default for any applicaiton. What would really tickle my fancy is if Obsidian went ahead and gave NWN2 multi-national language input support. I'd be one happy camper then. My friend, who I'm running the standard campaign with, and I could practice our Japanese very nicely like that.

The real tickler would be this little rumor I've heard about the next patch.... Voice Chat. I recall how nice it was to have that function in Sid Meyer's Alpha Centauri, and having it built into NWN2 would also be a nice thing.

Now to finish my translation this week...

Ab falso quod libet

Dude, you're wearing a period hoodie!

2007-01-16T08:00:20Z

And that's how I have yet another project...
Canvas, 'hoodie' t-tunics. I think it'll be cool.

I took a friend to a funeral, then hung out with them for the rest of the day.. really, that's my day. I'm really too tired to go on further, but there were many interesting discussions and a full on tickle war while watching Memoirs of a Geisha. So yeah... g'night.

The torpor is broken, ph34r teh gryn

2007-01-15T03:41:02Z

My latest translation project has consumed my time. I would never have expected (the Spanish Inquisition) a series for young boys to have me break out my classic Japanese dictionary. But so it has. I only hope I can finish this up in a satisfactory fashion within the week I have remaining. What I'm really hoping for is a finish mid week. Getting done early is always a plus.

This week has also seen me use eBay for the first time in years. A friend has convinced me to buy Neverwinter Nights 2 so we can coop. It should be good, we have compatible cRPG styles which should enhance the experience. I'll post about it sometime when I've played some. For now, I'm waiting on my several shipments to come in. Ryugu Rena figure from Animaxis, Rakka figure, Escaflowne and Genshiken from Rightstuf, and Neverwinter Nights 2 from some guy in Washington. I'm getting impatient.

I go to collect my new suit tomorrow. As promised there will be pictures... sometime this week hopefully. I'm sure some of you are interested in seeing a frontal shot that isn't a silhouette. For those that know me and are out of state, yes, you'll get to see the goatee too. I'll have to clean it up for the shot, I've been growing wild for a few weeks now.

This week I also idly looked at information for one of the many English schools in Japan. Hopefully that will pan out for me. Many projects received idle thought thought this week when I was taking breaks. None of them are any closer to anything though. First the book... then... then the cloak... I don't care if winter's ending, it'll be nice to have. If for no other reason just to have it *done*.

ニコ

Winter and a Little Hike

2007-01-10T06:28:07Z

It really has been a long time since I was last cold. I'd forgotten on some level how pleasant it can be when you're actually doing something.

I've always been fond of cold weather, clear, crisp nights after a fresh snow especially. There's a feeling to such nights that touches on all senses. It's crisp. Everything is crystal clear.

This afternoon into evening I was climbing up a mountain in knee deep snow, blazing a trail up through a forest of Gambles Oak. My recently botched big toenail clipping that took some flesh with it and a fallen arch made climbing.. a bit more difficult, the climb took longer than expected.

We finally arrived at the target area, where the carcass of Dad's recent kill sat. He took care of the backstrap steaks and tenderloin, keeping them separate, I helped him with turning it over now and again while I got the rear quarters prepared to haul them out. We couldn't see a horizon where we were, but the light was quickly fading, I think the sun was setting about then. We started out with both of us on a rope. It didn't take long before I was pulling it alone, Dad was handling the dog and the equipment. With the gentle decrease in light, it took me a while before I actually realized we were walking in night conditions. I looked up several times and marveled at the beautiful skies. Thanks to it being winter, there was little to no obstruction of the starry sky. Constellations brightly lit the sky, and with the waning gibbous moon not yet risen, they were our only light. Astounding it is, how much light the stars cast upon us. The snow, of course, helps this a lot. We had decided to try a different route than we had taken to get up, it seemed to be working well, but by now we were both anxious to get back. The problem was knowing how much further it was.. The Oak may have afforded us a grand view of the sky, but it did not afford us a view of the road. The answer, it seems, was much more harsh than we had thought. We were hopelessly lost. No artificial light, no cellphone signal, no compass, a grim formula. Unfortunately, we never did make it out, I'm sure they'll find our corpses in the springtime. We should be well preserved at least.